'Day One' Blog,  Vulnerabilities

Vulnerabilities – Suitors


I’m monitoring the points of entry to my heart. I field invitations from those who wish to access it. I think of them as suitors, because they woo. That is their nature. They present a proposal that would cause me to open the door allowing them to enter and occupy the place in my deepest heart.

Some of my suitors are well meaning. They seek to meet my desires and offer the temporary gratification of the moment. They offer what they have, which is confined to the here and now. They do not offer anything eternal because it is not theirs to offer. They are “lesser-loves,” all of them. But what they propose has a powerful lure, tapping into the thing in my soul that wants wholeness and the experience of it now. I sometimes acquiesce to these invitations, paying little or no attention to the price tag attached.

Some of my suitors are staunch foes. They mean only harm. They use deception to woo and they do NOT love me. In fact, their heart would reveal hatred… for me and for my Maker. They mean to keep me, by whatever means, from the best I could experience. My destruction is the goal, but “good” is an acceptable concession as long as I don’t reach for “best.” I am especially careful and guarded against them, because they are often breathtakingly beautiful.


I am my beloved’s
and his desire is for me.
~ Song of Songs 7:10 ~

Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice
and opens the door,
I will come in.
~ Revelation 3:20 ~

God stands at the door of my heart and knocks. He asks to enter. That merits a long pause.  ~  His wooing is quiet, unassuming; He does not clamor to be first in line. He does not raise His voice above other suitors. He waits, hoping I will decipher that unique quality in His still small voice. He hopes that I will hear, that my heart will quicken; will waken to the possibility that He might be the one… the one I long for…  the one I’m made for.

A thousand things go through my mind as I consider Him at my door, all of which cause me to question the validity of His proposal. I fear betrayal. I fear abandonment. I fear that IF He loves me He will stop loving me. I fear He will change His heart toward me WHEN I don’t respond to Him in the way that He deserves. I weigh all of those fears against what He says, which is that He loves me altogether, just as I am, and that it’s safe to let Him in (the other suitor’s say that too). I find no familiar framework to adequately couch His proposal… Except there actually is one.

Jesus took the form of man; the incarnation of God. He entered the confines of time and He showed me what it looks like to be pursued, with no POSSIBLE motivation other than LOVE. He loves humanity. He loves me. It is the singular reason He pursues. He promises “the moon,” which He can actually deliver.

That I would thrive is His intent. I am designed to thrive, to experience a level of intimacy beyond my most prolific dreams. He means to complete me in every way. There is no other path to that completion; no substitute for Him. NONE.

Imagine then, His steadfast pursuit. He is trying to save me, to literally save my life. Beyond that, He is about the business of drawing me to Himself and keeping me in that place of internal rest and safety, conforming and transforming my inner person that I might live in the fullness of the way I was designed to live.

He competes with no one. He asks me to love Him with the whole of who I am. He makes no apologies for that. He is asking me to live the way I was  designed to live; to love the One I was intended to love.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand
are pleasures forevermore.
~ Psalm 16:11 ~

Lift up your heads, O gates!
And lift them up, O ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
~ Psalm 24:9 ~

For God alone
my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
~ Psalm 62:1 ~


  • Wendy

    So beautifully put and so true Anne! I’m so thankful that God “heads us off at the pass” to remind us of His love and grace when we are listening to or lingering with other suitors! Amazing grace!!

  • kathie

    As I read your beautifully written blog now, my mind goes back to this verse that I read early this morning and have been drawn into all day. I love this translation..
    We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand – out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:2 MSG
    Yes and Amen.
    Love you.

  • Melissa

    Anne…you have NO idea (or maybe you do) how perfectly timed this post, these observations and truths are. Deeeeeep sigh…how could I forget, why am I so surprised – to the point of reading your post slack-jawed – when God shows Himself to be so intimately “on it”.

    Love you. Thank you. Praying for you!
    mb xo

    • Anne Barbour

      When’s the last time any of us responded to Him slack-jawed. Beautiful. Nothing about His pursuit is theoretical. This is REAL. Nothing about my response to Him can be theoretical or academic. He is the Living God asking, dare I say, “for my hand.” From there He asks, will I be faithful. Will I guard the place in my heart from all but Him.

      • Anonymous

        Slack-jawed when I tend to (choose to?) live in the world of the impossible or at minimum, in the world of “I can’t expect the impossible to actually be possible”. Even though I know His Word says the exact opposite. The truth I lean into the hardest is the hardest to believe…for me. For you? Others? Totally. Me? Not so much.

        In this particular case, it was God graciously giving me a “real time” tangible assurance that He’s with me. In it. On it. One of those times when I know He’s chuckling at my astonishment, like a little kid saying to her Dad, “Do it again!”

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