I want to “get better” at expressing love. I want to be freer in dispensing something God gives me in droves, which I NEVER earn or deserve or merit. I’m aware of my inadequacy more intensely these days when I fail to love as I want to, or as I believe I ought to. But The Lord has been showing me of late, that paramount to Him, is my proximity to Him.
I have an idea He’s not hyper-focused, as I am, on me getting the “love-thing” right, rather He is foremost interested in “my soul following close behind Him; His right hand upholding me,” (Psalm 63:8). That’s a posture of clinging, of dependence, of the relinquishing of control. I’m then hyper-focused about hanging on to Him, not about becoming a better lover.
This in no way diminishes the command to love as Jesus loved. But I can quickly forget that the giving of that love is a bi-product of abiding. God does through me what I cannot do in-and-of myself. My focus is upon Jesus, not upon myself striving to get better at something. I find it more than frustrating that even in my so-called attempts to be more Christ-like, I succumb to my fleshly nature, making a self-less act completely about MYSELF. I can be too easily led astray…. too easily distracted, subtly shifting my focus inwardly.
If I had to summarize my journey of late, I would simply say, “I am driven to Him.” There is no other place of safely, no other source from which I can draw, no other sanctuary. He calls me to Himself. And if I choose not to respond, sometimes He drives me to Himself. That is love. That is goodness. That is kindness. He would have me know that from that place of fellowship comes expressions of love that will flow to those I encounter. The command to love as Jesus loved, will be fulfilled.
Tomorrow is Resurrection Sunday. May the Risen Lord draw you to himself. May you go willingly and eagerly. May you enjoy loving Him and being loved by Him, and may those who cross your path be caught up in the overflow.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge.